Surprise your friends with these unique eco-friendly gifts: Sandro Chetcuti-themed toilet paper, dartboard with Silvio Debono, “Eat the Rich” cookbook, Do-It-Yourself pellet wood guillotine kit and more!
by Isles of the Left’s Santa Claus
[dropcap]A[/dropcap]t Isles of the Left, we love holidays (well, who doesn’t?) It is great to finally spend more time with the loved ones and surround them with care and attention. Yet, as staunch environmentalists, we are concerned about the environmental cost of the winter festive season.
Everyone and their dog knows that contemporary Christmas celebrations also entail countless plastic wrappers, single-use items and presents which will end up in a bin just days or weeks later. Moreover, instead of being caring and attentive, we are rushing from one outlet to another, powering the wheels of capitalism—and capitalism is indeed harming the planet.
And so we’ve said: Enough! No more environmentally harmful practices! No more unethical capitalist gift-giving! This year we give only eco-friendly presents which prioritise the good of society. If you are still searching for gifts, allow us suggest a few. These presents with a purpose will fill your loved ones with eternal bliss and benefit the planet at once!
1. Sandro Chetcuti-themed Toilet Paper
made of 100% recycled paper
Toilet paper is a basic means of hygiene and is found in every Maltese household. Malta Developers Association President Sandro Chetcuti—who believes that all those cranes distorting our townscapes are a sign of progress—is also present in many a Maltese household, mainly as an object of cursing. Now you have the opportunity to treat Sandro the way he deserves. You are welcome!
2. Very Special* Organic Home-Grown Green Tea (Limited Edition)
Our very special* green tea turns every construction crane into a giant flower. Although this tea does nothing to stop the construction frenzy, it will certainly make you feel better about it. Be a good friend—this is an ideal gift for everyone who’s passionate about self-help, yoga and meditation.
3. Dartboard with Silvio Debono
made of 100% reclaimed wood
Everyone has heard about the disgraceful db project on the former ITS site in Pembroke. One of the most meaningful eco-friendly presents you could give on Christmas is a donation to the ITS db Legal Action Fund dedicated to halting this monstrosity. However, if you are longing to release the blazing righteous anger in a more dramatic way, then this dartboard featuring the db Group Chairman Silvio Debono is exactly what you need. Aim well and an immense moral satisfaction is guaranteed!
4. ‘For the Many, Not the Few! Andre Callus for Prime Minister!’
100% cotton souvenir t-shirt lovingly wrapped in no plastic whatsoever
Certainly, at least a few of your friends—and perhaps even yourself—are ardent supporters of Jeremy Corbyn and Bernie Sanders. And sure thing, your friends never cease to utter that Malta needs political leaders like them. Do not despair! Moviment Graffitti activist Andre Callus is Malta’s own Jeremy Corbyn.
5. “Eat the Rich” Cookbook
It’s official: the richest 10 percent of people produce half of the planet’s individual-consumption-based fossil fuel emissions, while the poorest 50 percent—about 3.5 billion people—contribute only 10 percent. Thus, by eating one obscenely rich CEO, you would do more to protect the planet than by becoming a vegan.
The question is, of course, how to cook them (and not to poison yourself in the process). Make your festive dining experience unforgettable with this cookbook featuring over 50 unique recipes for property speculators, owners of Panama companies and other tax dodgers, iGaming CEOs, passport buyers and their agents. Bon Appétit!
6. A Selection of Recycled Tote Bags
from Isles of the Left authors with love
Give this special tote bag to every socially aware IT professional who is willing to save us from the claws of techno-libertarians and crypto-fascists of all stripes—from the Malta Blockchain Summit pals to Silicon Valley CEOs.
7. Do-It-Yourself Pellet Wood Guillotine Kit
The revolution might begin tomorrow. Be prepared!
8. Snowflakes of the World, Unite! Christmas Card
Finally, no Christmas is complete without a lovely card. “Snowflakes of the World, Unite!” is a card for all those who have zero tolerance towards class-, race-, religion- and gender-based discrimination. Yes, you are special! You are a beautiful and unique snowflake—keep it that way!
Happy Holidays and Hasta la Victoria!
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