If you think Bis-Serjetà is there just to make us laugh, you are not paying attention. We are certain that the portal is nothing but covert socialist propaganda.
by the IotL Magazine
Collage by the IotL Magazine
[dropcap]B[/dropcap]S may mostly be used as an abbreviation of ‘bullshit’, but every person in Malta knows what these two letters truly stand for. BS—or Bis-Serjetà—is “the only website in Malta that reports the news in a serious, accurate way.” In fact, Bis-Serjetà is so accurate at portraying our bizarre realities, the majority of the population can no longer distinguish between satire and authentic news. Everything you read on the news sounds like a bad joke—or good satire.
But if you think Malta’s own The Onion is there just to make us laugh, you are not paying attention. We analysed BS’s posts from the past few months and concluded that—take a deep breath!—it is covert socialist propaganda. A trustworthy source also informed us that Karl Stennienibarra was named after Karl Marx, and not Karl Stagno Navarra, as was previously rumoured.
Take a look at these delightful propaganda pieces—we love them to bits! Thank you, comrade Karl.
1. Maltese racist not sure if he loves or hates Salvini
Clint Zahra, 34, from Birkirkara, opened up to Bis-Serjetà after Salvini accused Malta of not taking its fair share of African asylum seekers, while also refusing to let any of them into Italy.
“Like, I love how he closes Italian ports to filthy immigrants and doesn’t give a shit what anyone says,” Zahra enthused while stroking a picture of Salvini on his phone.
“But then sometimes I think he wouldn’t hesitate to dump them all on my doorstep. God, I’m so confused!”
Could racist hypocrisy be mocked better? We don’t think so. Here, comrade Karl Stennienibarra wants you to understand that a far-right politician from Italy doesn’t give a damn about his racist Maltese admirers, ’cause, you know, ‘Italians first!’
2. University lecture halls converted into garages to solve parking crisis
Every single University of Malta lecture theatre and classroom is currently in the process of being converted into a garage, in a last-ditch attempt to solve the institution’s longstanding parking crisis. […]
“One day soon, these young people will graduate, and we need to give them the parking skills they’ll need to succeed in what is a highly competitive vehicular society.”
UoM students themselves were delighted by the dramatic increase in the number of parking spaces.
“Can you imagine what my friends would say if they saw me coming to University in a…eugh I can barely say the word without throwing up…bus?” said 2nd year law student Chiara Tabone.
Propaganda is most effective when it is indirect. In this masterpiece of propaganda, Bis-Serjetà ridicules our car-obsessed society, while mocking two core ideals of capitalism—individual success and competitiveness. And, rightly, the portal spares neither the university administration nor the student council from critique—they, too, fully embraced a capitalist rationale.
Simultaneously, the article highlights the privileged students’ condescending attitudes towards public transport. Indeed, plenty of people in Malta believe that using a bus is for losers. We applaud your social awareness, comrade Stennienibarra!
3. Muscat announces metro system for rich people
Speaking at a press conference earlier this afternoon, Muscat said the luxury underground train system is expected to be completed by next month, following the importation of thousands of migrant workers from Asia.
The Prime Minister has announced plans to build a country-wide metro system for the exclusive use of high-net-worth individuals.
Only those who earn at least €100,000 a year will be allowed to use it.
The true motive behind this post is to make you think, not laugh—about inequality and a possibility of a reliable public transport in Malta.
The disparity in treatment of high-net-worth individuals and poor guest workers by the state is hardly a joke. While the rich foreigners are welcomed to Malta with open arms and even can purchase Maltese citizenship, guest workers slave for a minimum wage. And had the rich preferred using such a luxury underground train system, it would have been built overnight, no doubt.
4. People in Malta must evolve to breathe dust & fumes, says Muscat
“To make sure we carry on this period of economic growth, we need to continue constructing new buildings and getting more people on the roads,” Muscat said.
Muscat said the government had considered the possibility of subsidising oxygen masks, but had deemed the idea too unrealistic.
“Instead, we need people to be self-sufficient and evolve lungs that can filter out excess progress powder. In the words of Charles Darwin: “Thus, from the war of nature, from famine and death, the most exalted object which we are capable of conceiving, namely, boutique hotels, directly follows.””
As a true socialist, Karl Stennienibarra encourages us to be skeptical about ‘economic growth at all costs’ and calls for prioritising public health and common good instead. A cunning reference to Charles Darwin is a way of ditching Social Darvinism—a theory aiming to defend capitalist ideology as a supposedly ‘natural’ order and ‘survival of the fittest’.
5. Contractor blames gravity for worker’s death
A contractor has blamed gravity for the accidental death of a worker on a construction site.
Abdul Karim Eltayeb, a 29-year-old father of three from Sudan, fell eight storeys to his death earlier today while working on the site of a new hotel in Sliema.
However, the contractor responsible for the site, ABZ Construction Ltd, has denied responsibility for the tragic accident.
“While I’m obviously deeply saddened by the loss of one of our employees, there’s nothing we could’ve done to prevent his death from occurring,” said ABZ project manager Brian Mangion.
Here, Bis-Serjetà brings our attention to the lack of health and safety enforcement at construction sites. Unlike so many who tend to blame the workers for the fatal accidents, the portal is clearly on the workers’ side. By slamming contractors’ irresponsible and exploitative attitude towards workers, Karl fully reveals his socialist credentials.
6. Valletta ghost resents hotel she haunts being labelled as ’boutique’
The ghost of a woman who haunts a hotel in Valletta says she resents the fact it is now labelled as ’boutique’.
Anna Calleja has haunted the site of the Casa San Giovanni hotel on Old Bakery Street, which used to be a brothel, since she was brutally murdered there in 1814, aged 29.
Calleja said she has found it very difficult to haunt effectively since the refurbishment.
“Throwing objects around and wailing used to be a surefire way to get people to run away in terror. Now these rich tourist assholes see it as quaint and charming.
“And no sooner do I finish standing over a bed oozing blood all over the place than a Filipino cleaner comes in and replaces all the sheets. It’s disgusting. Fucking gentrification.”
It takes true journalistic brilliance and devotion to fill a short article with so many subliminal messages! The hardship of sex workers, violence against women, gentrification of Valletta and social inequality are all given a mention in this Halloween piece. Note how comrade Stennienibarra masterfully highlights the inequality between the contemporary masters and slaves—rich tourists enjoying luxury hotels and cleaners working hard to make tourists’ experience pleasant.
7. Konrad Mizzi to teach immigrants how to avoid tax
The former tourism minister was criticised yesterday after writing on Facebook that immigrants must be grateful to Malta and “respect the country, its people and its culture”.
“It’s all well and good telling them to respect our country and so on, but then you have to actually show them how to integrate.
“That’s why, from next week, I’ll be starting private lessons on how to take kickbacks, open offshore shell companies in secretive jurisdictions, and avoid paying tax like a true Maltese person who respects the laws of his country.”
We salute Karl Stennienibarra for, once again, taking the side of the most discriminated section of the population, while exposing how crooks in power pander to racism in order to retain support of the electorate. Isn’t it outright ridiculous when money-launderers preach “respect of the country and its people”?
8. Maltese Big Business decides not to have a reshuffle, stays the same
Malta’s business class has decided not to mirror Prime Minister Robert Abela and carry out a reshuffle, opting instead to retain the same interests.
Big Business is the top-most level of Malta’s political system, with the elected government acting to safeguard its interests at all costs.
Bis-Serjetà just says it as it is: big business is running the country. Yeah, not funny at all, we know!
9. I will never get an abortion, declares George Vella
The President also dismissed calls for him to remain neutral on such a sensitive issue.
“The constitution may have stopped me from intervening in the political crisis two months ago, but it doesn’t stop me from telling women what to do with their bodies,” he said.
As a true comrade, Karl Stennienibarra lends his support to the feminist cause and stands up for reproductive rights. Is this not praiseworthy?
9.5 Fuck Tha Police
As an agent of revolution in disguise, Bis-Serjetà celebrates the Malta Police Force’s initiative to abolish itself! Fuck the police, anarchism is the way to go!
Having such a champion of the anti-capitalist cause as comrade Karl Stennienibarra by our side, we can rest assured that the revolution is indeed near and our dreams of a fair society are about to come true. Hasta la victoria siempre!—Batalla Socialista!
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